when you have too much in mind....

pernahkah kita terpanggil untuk merencanakan sesuatu, padahal kudrat zahirnya seakan tidak akan kesampaian. Namun kerana iltizam yg teguh itu kita harungi jua kerana matlmat yang satu itu juga yg hendak kita capai. Itu lah yang aku sedang lalui mungkin. Pelbagai rencana, namun khuatir juga segalanya tidak akan menjadi. Paling takut bila asyik terngiang-ngiangkan bidalan ini, 'Yang di kejar tak dapat, yang dikendong berciciran'.

opps.....

someone been trying so hard to talk to me, but due to uncertainties, i ignored all the phone calls. Sometimes when you trying to engage with something, mere sweet talks arent suffice. Not to ask you to try harder but it might be my own conflict. It's either you stop trying or perhaps dont put any hopes at all.

yep, most of the time, good things come when we least expect them to be. So, let me be in my own surreal world. Period.

life without a car.....

life without driving a car in Malaysia would be beyond lifeless, and you will not be moving around at all.

but



life without driving a car in London seems to be 'effect-less'

and i have to, now, be ready, as i don't drive.

the other insane me.....

i'm writing this, apparently delusional, not being sane enough i guess, and after struggling due to a severe diarrhea since the first thing in the early morning, after i woke up for sahur, last night. Yep, pretty bad tho, the whole day i was fasting literally with almost zero water in my body. I vomited almost everything i had in my stomach. Argh pretty bad day, the fasting was indeed suffering. I just don't dare to break the fast earlier than its supposed to be, as i guess the Almighty might cure my body due to my patience.... hahahaha..... it might be true tho.... its getting better ever since i broke my fast this evening.... hopefully everything will be back to normal soon, cause i dont think i will enjoy my last lap of ramadhan like this.... not good.

owh its not really what i had in my mind tho, hahahaha..... even my body was wrecking and not functioning well, but the mind was elsewhere. Suddenly i feel like i'm losing sumone, even it is not the first time tho. The departure is indeed heart breaking and yet i dont dare to say goodbye. I've tried to permanently depart from 'who ever it is' but it was entirely a lie, to myself..... pretty weird right? yes it is.... hahahahaha.... it is gonna be tough time with the thought that 'who ever it is' will be far away, and afraid it is gonna be eternal departure as i might not be able to see 'who ever it is' forever...... or it will never be the same again, as what we had before..... who the hell is WE? hahahahha... nahhhh Such a loser that never gonna admit the reality.... F**King LOSER!
Dont make assumptions pls....

That's it for now, i just wanna wish goodbye to 'Who ever it is' and hoping for a miracle that it is not gonna be that bad.... uhuks!

uh owh owhoooo..........

It has been a month of hard work and meet a whole lot of people. Yep at some points, I feel like on top of the world, the other day I went down reaching the lowest point. Yep totally agree with the saying, hidup kan ibarat roda.

this post much about complaining and it seems that I never stop complaining nowadays. Over the years I have started to develop my own thinking and principles perhaps, but whenever others started to contradict with mine i tend to complain. Might be I need to let go what I have developed so far. Huh? How flexible should i be?

it's most disheartening even your family have lost confidence on whatever you doing. I feel like I have started to talk different sort of language from the rest. But think again, the path that we went or about to go through is actually totally different. I hate the fact if sumone tend not to understand but rather be so judgmental over something tht I do.

I wish one day I can go sleep for a veryyy looongggggg period, as it's the only way I will have my own personal and very intimate space for myself.

Enough said. I strongly condemn the prejudice game.

EGO with the capital E is another sort of crap. For god sake, it is impossible you know almost everything esp when you literally see things simply on the surface. Please go deep under and keep learning. The world you have gone through is extremely different and always be, from what I am venturing. So please don't always assume that your opinion is always the ULTIMATE.

I rather now be a silent guy and keep things only to myself. Please.